The Three Buckets Of Control In Mental Wellness

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over the other.
William James

One channel is the Stress Channel and the other is the Peace Channel. We really do have a choice about what we listen to. The Peace Channel can only be heard when we are present in the moment, when we are in the now. To tune in to the Peace Channel, all we have to do is be, experience, notice, and naturally respond to what is arising in the moment. Eliminating stress is just a matter of tuning out the negative and tuning in the positive and just being, experiencing, and dancing to that music instead of the mind's chatter.
Gina Lake, author of What About Now? Reminders for Being in the Moment

Remember that stress doesn't come from what's going on in your life. It comes from your thoughts about what's going on in your life.
Andrew Bernstein

Stress is wanting something to be the way it isn't.
Eckhart Tolle

With every client I coach, whether it’s executive coaching, exam anxiety, performance psychology or even interview coaching, I present the three buckets of control. These are three spheres that are critical to understand so you can place your proper focus and energies in the right direction, and also so you don’t spin your wheels trying to control the uncontrollable. For example, if you focus on trying to change or control things that are actually out of your control, this is a recipe for frustration and failure. We’ve probably all heard the cute and clever definition of insanity: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results.

We have to know where to put our focus. We also have to know where not to put our focus. That’s what the three buckets of control show you. Understanding the three buckets of control allows you to work more efficiently and effectively and with less stress and frustration. This is because you're putting all your energies and focus into the proper bucket, and this gives you the fastest, best and biggest result.

Here are the three buckets:

1. Variables 100% Out Of Your Control
2. Variables Partially In Your Control
3. Variables 100% In Your Control

Let’s frame the three buckets of control in business terms. Pretend you work in a corporation or for some organization.

Think of all the variables that exist in your position in your organization. Which ones are 100% in your control? Which ones are somewhat in your control? Which ones are not at all in your control? These variables will change if you are a business owner, or in positions of power or leverage in the organization. Read these lists and move any items around that are a better fit in other categories. Also, list any new variables not listed here that apply to your situation in the appropriate category.

Here are the three buckets of control with variables that pertain to each category.

Variables 100% OUT Of Your Control

1. The structure of your organization
2. The personnel in your organization
3. The size of your organization
4. The culture of your organization
5. The politics of your organization
6. The pace of your organization
7. The funding of your organization
8. The vendors who serve your organization
9. Who your clients and customers are
10. Where your clients and customers are located
11. Your job description and role
12. Who your superiors are
13. Private working time vs. public working time
14. The clock-length of meetings
15. Location of meetings
16. Time of meetings
17. Agenda of meetings
18. Who you meet with
19. Working hours
20. Vacations and time off
21. Business travel percentages
22. Parking arrangements
23. Job benefits
24. Flex time arrangements
25. Humidity and temperature
26. The location of your offices
27. The physical set up of your offices
28. Luck
29. Noises
30. Disruptions

Your focus with variables that are out of your control is to accept them and to let them go. Accepting them does not mean you agree with them, or like them, or want them. It just means that you accept them as a reality. As a fact. Letting go of variables out of your control is how you let go of frustration, irritation and stress. You will no longer worry about something you have no dominion over.

Variables PARTIALLY IN Your Control

1. Where and when and how you travel to work
2. Personal office space environment.
3. Attitudes and behavior of personnel
4. Attitudes and behavior of vendors
5. Attitudes and behavior of clients
6. Personnel's business and office procedures and policies knowledge
7. Client’s knowledge of and compliance with your office policies and procedures
8. Your office strategy and tactics
9. Your career strategy and tactics
10. Personnel's ethics and integrity
11. Whether people do what you want or suggest
12. Rapport with people
13. Computers and other office equipment
14. Other people's expectations for you

Your focus with variables that are partially in your control is to manage them to the best of your ability, and to influence people to the best of your ability so you achieve win-win situations. For example, you may be wondering how you could possibly change the cynical, caustic, sarcastic attitude of a particular coworker. You may not be able to directly alter their perception and mindset, but you can have a different mental stance within yourself, towards them, (which might be having compassion and showing kindness to them) which would result in different behavior from you, which they very likely will pick up on at an unconscious level. Then, they may just begin to change their attitude and behavior toward you. Here you demonstrated leadership by showing the way, by changing yourself first. You used sophisticated influencing skills.

Variables 100% IN Your Control

1. Your attitude
2. Your mind set
3. Your thoughts
4. Your self-talk
5. Your images and mental movies
6. Your concentration
7. Your stress control
8. Your sense of humor
9. Your creative thinking
10. Your self-coaching
11. Your affirmations
12. Your effort
13. Your will to succeed
14. Your ability to handle adversity
15. Your reactions to other people
16. Your listening skills
17. Your negotiation skills
18. Your management skills
19. Your mental toughness
20. Your ability to bounce back from set-backs
21. Your breathing
22. Your muscle tension
23. Your timing
24. Your preparation
25. Your rituals and routines
26. Your planning
27. Your decisions
28. Your analysis
29. Your assessment
30. Your fitness
31. Your nutrition

Your focus with variables that are 100% in your control is to manage these to the best of your abilities. Instead of giving away your power and expecting other people to manage your reactions to stress and pressure, take accountability for your own internal reactions and your behavior.

You may be thinking, yes, I understand these three spheres, however the variables that are 100% in my control are not all that controllable. I may know that I should be able to control these variables, but I don’t have the mental tools or strategies in place to do that.

I agree with you. What I’m describing here is easy to say and a little harder to do. It’s actually tremendously harder to do if you don’t have the coping skill sets in place. But once you learn the proper mental wellness strategies and the stress control and performance techniques, then your mental wellness toolkit will have expanded to the point where you will feel very much in control of yourself. While we are never 100% in control of any given situation, we can be very much in control of our reactions and responses to these situations.

I encourage you to apply these working categories of control factors to every facet of your life. Take some time to read these categories and see how they apply to different situations and experiences you have. You’ll discover that the things you were worried about actually caused you the most stress. But once you see that they’re not controllable, you’ll be encouraged to let them go. Then you will feel a palpable reduction in your frustration, stress and anxiety. And you’ll immediately be operating in flow, and with more of your full potential.